Many of you may recall there being much ado about nothing over the number 14 in the Calder family earlier this year. For those who do not, I offer a quick refresher course:
In May there was a beautifully written obituary for Grandma Calder in which the closing lines "...eleven grandchildren and fourteen current and prospective great-grandchildren" caused much commotion. Actually, I believe it was the Spendlove's who first spotted the supposed typographical error and set about to unravel the mystery. While I'm certain most of you have already solved this mystery on your own, I still felt obliged to openly crack the case and share with you a shameful little story.
I received a phone call from my dear husband, Grant, one day asking if it might be all right to include the prospective 14th grandchild in Grandma’s obituary. Thinking this was our own little secret that had not been shared, I inquired as to how anyone might know about it. He sheepishly replied that he did not know how his father, Scott, had figured it out, but he did remember a late night conversation during which he was quite certain his father might have received divine inspiration regarding #14. “Hmmm”, I said, “Scott Calder must be a very righteous man. Under such a circumstance, I don’t see how it would be possible not to include this information.” Really what the turning wheels in my head were telling me was that there was no way anyone would actually pick up on such an inconsequential little thing anyway. There were many more wonderful and magnificent things about Grandma Calder that would surely overshadow a measly little thing such as the phrase “fourteen current and prospective great-grandchildren”, and didn’t people stop counting after ten great-grandchildren anyway?
Turns out I was wrong. Dead wrong. Suddenly #14 became the focus of conversations and inquisitions from Johnny and Jenny. Then it was coming from Camille. And Ryan. And Lizzy. And David. Public declarations that the bearer of lucky #14 must make herself known were coming rapid fire from all directions. I did the only thing I knew how to --- lie! Grant and I told more bold-faced false truths that week than we’d care to admit. Our tactics seemed to work, but I knew that the Spendloves would not give up so easily. Steadfastly, I acted uninterested and nonchalantly dismissed the #14 hullabaloo. Phrases like “Must have been a typo”, or “Hmmm, I never even noticed such a tiny insignificant detail”, and “Maybe someone needs to re-take Math 101” came flying out of my mouth so quickly I simply couldn’t stop them. And so the week ended with a wonderful dinner at the cultural hall and the #14 hubbub slowly fading as we all went back to our daily routines.
Slowly fading for everyone but me. I am indeed the bearer of lucky #14 and have not been slowly fading, but rather rapidly growing in the midsection. So let this to be a public acknowledgement of our tall tales and untruths, as we humbly ask for your forgiveness. We simply didn’t want to shift the focus of the weeks events away from what we thought they should be (and were incredibly under prepared for Johnny and Jenny --- never underestimate their persistence). Along with that, Grant and I also offer a public promise that we solemnly swear we will not teach our daughter such distasteful two-faced habits as those we engaged in that week.
In May there was a beautifully written obituary for Grandma Calder in which the closing lines "...eleven grandchildren and fourteen current and prospective great-grandchildren" caused much commotion. Actually, I believe it was the Spendlove's who first spotted the supposed typographical error and set about to unravel the mystery. While I'm certain most of you have already solved this mystery on your own, I still felt obliged to openly crack the case and share with you a shameful little story.
I received a phone call from my dear husband, Grant, one day asking if it might be all right to include the prospective 14th grandchild in Grandma’s obituary. Thinking this was our own little secret that had not been shared, I inquired as to how anyone might know about it. He sheepishly replied that he did not know how his father, Scott, had figured it out, but he did remember a late night conversation during which he was quite certain his father might have received divine inspiration regarding #14. “Hmmm”, I said, “Scott Calder must be a very righteous man. Under such a circumstance, I don’t see how it would be possible not to include this information.” Really what the turning wheels in my head were telling me was that there was no way anyone would actually pick up on such an inconsequential little thing anyway. There were many more wonderful and magnificent things about Grandma Calder that would surely overshadow a measly little thing such as the phrase “fourteen current and prospective great-grandchildren”, and didn’t people stop counting after ten great-grandchildren anyway?
Turns out I was wrong. Dead wrong. Suddenly #14 became the focus of conversations and inquisitions from Johnny and Jenny. Then it was coming from Camille. And Ryan. And Lizzy. And David. Public declarations that the bearer of lucky #14 must make herself known were coming rapid fire from all directions. I did the only thing I knew how to --- lie! Grant and I told more bold-faced false truths that week than we’d care to admit. Our tactics seemed to work, but I knew that the Spendloves would not give up so easily. Steadfastly, I acted uninterested and nonchalantly dismissed the #14 hullabaloo. Phrases like “Must have been a typo”, or “Hmmm, I never even noticed such a tiny insignificant detail”, and “Maybe someone needs to re-take Math 101” came flying out of my mouth so quickly I simply couldn’t stop them. And so the week ended with a wonderful dinner at the cultural hall and the #14 hubbub slowly fading as we all went back to our daily routines.
Slowly fading for everyone but me. I am indeed the bearer of lucky #14 and have not been slowly fading, but rather rapidly growing in the midsection. So let this to be a public acknowledgement of our tall tales and untruths, as we humbly ask for your forgiveness. We simply didn’t want to shift the focus of the weeks events away from what we thought they should be (and were incredibly under prepared for Johnny and Jenny --- never underestimate their persistence). Along with that, Grant and I also offer a public promise that we solemnly swear we will not teach our daughter such distasteful two-faced habits as those we engaged in that week.
On a lighter note, if you’re curious what sort of effect this little one has had on our lives, please feel free to take a gander at this post about Grant and his little lady.
